I’m a control freak. I probably came out of the womb trying to plan things and change plans.
Anyway, I spent much of the day obsessing and freaking about things that I couldn’t control. Each of the various situation offered me a small amount of control, but for the most part I just had to sit back and wait. UGH!! There is nothing more frustrating than not being able to do something.
Then it hit…the scariest thing that I could do today would be letting go.
The Serenity Prayer is one of the first prayers that I learned as a child. My mom taught it to me when I was about 7 years old and freaking out about something that was beyond on my control. However, 27 years later I’m still struggling to let go. Having faith in God to handle things is the scariest thing for me. What if he gets it wrong?? OK, so maybe he won’t get it wrong so much as things won’t turn out how I want them.
That kind of thinking might explain why I am a control freak. I want to ensure that things turn out how I want them. The only way to “guarantee” that is to handle every detail myself. It seems logical, but I am being to realize that it’s exhausting. So this evening I am letting go. Things will happen…I have done what I can to get the outcome that I desire. Now, I just have to wait for the actions of others. Talk about scary…
Tomorrow will be really scary as I plan to go social media-free for the entire day. I will only use direct communications such as phone calls, text messages, and email. This “fast” from social media is scary because I always fear missing out on something and not being included. It will be interesting to see how this affects me.
8 days down, 32 days to go…conquering fear day by day