During my teen years, boys did not occupy much of my thoughts. Boys were mere flights of fancy. I had declared pretty early on that I didn’t want to be one of “those girls” — the ones who drop all their friends; the one who loses all interests and becomes absorbed into the guy’s. I was passionate about politics and government. I wanted to travel the world and experience different cultures. And I didn’t want some guy slowing me down.
When I got to college and began studying women’s studies, I felt more affirmed in my decision. Men could take a backseat in my life. I was a strong, intelligent and independent woman.
Yet I now wonder if I miss something. Maybe there were lessons that I was suppose to learn in those teen years. Have I done myself a great disservice? Can I ever open my heart enough to allow a man in?
Dating now seems so forced and difficult. I never know how assertive to be without scaring away a guy. I’m not a very aggressive person, but I know what I want. I know what I’m looking for in a life partner. And if I met a guy who might possess those qualities, I immediately want to figure out if my gut feelings are right now.
However, this approach might be against the “rules.” There are so many dating/relationship books out there, and I have read more than I should. Those books usually just confuse the situation for me. In He’s Just Not That Into You, I’m told that I should expect a guy to drop/rearrange everything in his life to see me. I’m not sure how practical or realistic that is or if that would freak me out. Or in Become Your Own Matchmaker, I’m told that I should only accept dates for Saturday nights because those nights are for romance. Ok, what do I do the other 6 nights a week? And finally in Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, I’m told that my standards aren’t high enough, which is ironic since I have been often told that they are too high. WHATEVER!! All of this game playing is annoying and frustrating to me.
Even though I know that it never existed, I wish for the “good ole days.” The days when men and women were straight-forward and honest to each other. The days were if you liked a guy, then you could say it. The days when a guy who liked you said it. And if he didn’t like you, he told you upfront in a gentle way. Ah…my fictional “good ole days.” I miss them. I would settle for clearer rules for this whole dating thing…maybe in a book form.